Why The Yeti Didn't Kill Kennedy and Other Truths "They" Don't Want You To Discover

Here's something to wipe that Monday Morning Smile from your faces, cats and kittens – because I just know how invigorating and giddy-thrilling we all find saddling up for another week...
I was watching Oliver Stone's JFK the other night, when I found myself struck by a rather disturbing thought. Don't worry: it wasn't anything really soul-chilling like “come to think of it, Costner really isn't that bad an actor”, or a recollection of seeing my grandparents going at it like famished badgers triggered by the scrotal appearance of Ed Asner – but even so, it was far from pleasant.
Put simply, it went like this: even given that the movie had a specific agenda, it was sufficiently based on acknowledged and easily-verifiable facts to make the whole conspiracy theory seem credible; indeed, for years before the film came out, one would be hard-pushed to find anybody that has heard of the JFK assassination and yet doesn't think there are a couple of points that might bear a second look. Let's face it: that President Kennedy was murdered by a group of people with considerable clout within the US Government's infrastructure is pretty much seen as a fact – a historical event as certain as the discovery of America, the invention of the Spinning Jenny, or that 1971 saw the birth of a pallid, mole-blind baby who would, over the years, acquire a few harmonicas, a top-hat, and an insurmountable urge towards self-aggrandisement.

For all that, however - for the alleged smears against those who spoke out against the findings of the Warren Commission, despite the (probable) killings of key witnesses, and in the face of all the usual “you-don't-know-how-high-this-thing-goes” histrionics – nothing was changed. The real killer (or, as seems overwhelmingly more likely, killers) have never been named, and despite all the questions and absurd inconsistencies the Commission's report threw up (stuff that even a child – or even a chap as unhinged as Mr Stone is said to be in some quarters – could spot), as far as Officialdom was concerned, that's that. A dark, blood-red line was drawn under Jacky-boy's offing, and anything beyond that will always be written off as speculation, as paranoid rattling from liberal freaks or disgruntled leftist losers. In the final analysis, The Man (and let us not delude ourselves: The Man exists – and He is legion) has said, “So what? You keep on chatting about it; frankly, we can't even be bothered to arrest you or harass you over that shit now – we've moved on to bigger and better things.”

Quite fortunate, really – and it certainly enhances the myth of a “free society” where anyone can mount a soap box and foam at the mouth about whatever takes their fancy (subject to the permission and supervision of the relevant police authorities, of course). The fact is that – despite some appalling examples of State Terror like the recent arrest of a couple of Political Science students in America (the FBI were looking for such damning evidence of subversion/terrorism as textbooks on political thought, black clothing, and mobile phones) – those of us who constitute the tattered remnants of “the counter-culture” are left largely to our own devices. But why shouldn't we be? After all; with the global media ran by oligarchs who are engaged in a mutually pleasurable and financially-rewarding daisy-chain with the Powers That Be on hand to discredit, deride, and undermine any alternative world-view at every turn, with plenty of glittering diversions (anything from The Jubilee to the X-Factor auditions and Kate Middleton's bared breasts) to stop people getting too curious about things that are simply none of their concern, and with flag-fetishism and national anthems blinding and deafening the masses to the crazed grumblings of a few traitorous curs who might as well go and live in Russia, why, in all honesty, should The Man knock Himself out? Admittedly, many will say that the Internet has changed things: that information can be disseminated at the click of a mouse-button, and that it's getting harder and harder to keep anything a secret – that is why every day brings another conspiracy theory, and why The Man is running scared and building up the ramparts surrounding His secret goings-on. People say that groups like Wikileaks are heroic crusaders (and I wouldn't argue with them; they and those who provide them with data risk imprisonment, financial persecution, and worse every day) providing a pipeline for information to the public; that knowledge is power, and that the more we arm ourselves with facts, the stronger we are.

Yeah; that sounds about right – and I'm sure Dr David Kelly would agree with it.
If he were still alive, that is.

Another prime example, there: unquestionably, dreadful things are done on a regular (perhaps even daily) basis in order to Protect Democracy, to Vanquish The Forces of Evil, and generally to ensure that everybody gets to live Happily Ever After* - yet even when this is all but proven, nothing happens.

Why not? If a high-profile Scientific Advisor can come to a sticky and mysterious end, what protects the rank-and-file conspiracy nut from the dark forces of officially unofficial retribution? Could it be the tinfoil lining their hats? Pretty unlikely – from personal experience, I can tell you that stuff doesn't even keep the rain out for very long. No; neither is it wholly a matter of a shortage of time and resources – if a Government have enough people on hand to rubber-stamp the Fit To Work certificates of quadraplegics, they could probably spare at least enough to chuck the odd death-threat-wrapped note through the window of an alternative newspaper's office. It's not even – and do prepare yourself for the shock of just how unsurprising this thought is – because they are indulgent and tolerant of the odd wayward sheep wandering away from the herd and bleating about what really goes on at Area 51. Quite simply, it's because they don't have to worry all that much.

If The Greatest Conspiracy Of Them All can be pretty much exposed (in essence, if not in specific detail) world-wide yet without anybody responsible being held responsible or accountable, why should they? I should think that the chaps behind that Grassy Knoll were pretty edgy at the time – what with it being the first time something of that scale was pulled off in an era of mass media coverage; their knuckles would have gone pretty white as they clutched the high-powered rifles, and furtive and quick would have been their movements. Had they known just how easy it was for a Government (official or otherwise) to get away with it – how little most people would react, or how little difference it would make to their unquestionable and invulnerable power even if they did – they'd have shot the grinning little womaniser with a cannon.

While wearing clown suits.
Hell; they could have probably gotten the Yeti to jump onto the bonnet of that limo and pulled his head off in plain sight - had he not been busy disseminating pro-Chinese literature in Tibet as a CIA double-agent at the time.

And that, cats and kittens, was the essence of the thought that gnawed at me while Tommy Lee Jones was over-playing a gay Southern Gentleman: the suspicion that even if every conspiracy theory we encounter is true, the way things are, there's not a great deal we can do about it. Following from that comes the deduction that if Kennedy's assassination, the fake moon-landings, the bullshit about WMD in Iraq – all of the “secrets” exposed by the digging of “truthers” both professional and amateur – is the stuff that The Man can doesn't mind us knowing about or suspecting, the information He's keeping a serious lid on must be – at best – fucking horrifying.  

I might go and have a quick nap now I've finished this: for some reason, I didn't sleep very well this weekend...

* Or at least Ignorantly Ever After - the next best thing.