Britain, 2013: mere weeks away from a civil war; the streets hum with the threat of incipient violence; in cellars and high-rises throughout the land, sinister figures with beards gloat over an arsenal of Molotovs and crude, home-made bombs; grim patriots shave their heads and don their Union Jack T-shirts like Samurai putting on armour; everywhere are whispers of hatred, bloodlust, and death. Freedom hangs in the balance, and while politicians and their paymasters quibble and squirm, Blighty braces itself for the inevitable Inferno.
Or so we're told, anyway. Well; not all of us are being told this, obviously - at least, not explicitly. It's only on EDL websites and Facebook pages that the horror of the "truth" is being so fully described: the tabloids are a little more subtle about it all - and even their more rabid readers only hint at it gnomically in between orgasmic cries of "Vote UKIP!" So little is said about the inevitable apocalyptic clash between hordes of Islamist radicals and disenfranchised True Brits that one could be forgiven for thinking that it might not happen...
Could it be because it quite simply won't, do you think?
Now; I'm as simple-natured and teary-eyed as the next open-hearted Liberal dimwit - as many of these posts will have made painfully (if not revoltingly) clear, but I'm not quite so blinded by visions of Utopian melting-pots and coffee-coloured people by the score as to deny that there are people motivated by some horrific extremist views and the uglier aspects of the human psyche. There are terrorists (both real and wannabe) living in the UK; there are neo-Nazi types itching for a 21st century Holocaust (so much cheaper and quicker than wholesale repatriation: none of that mucking about with airline schedules or booking Halal meals); there will be further outrages committed by both factions. That, sadly, is inevitable - people being what they are; but Armageddon on the streets? The enshrinement of Sharia Law in the UK? It seems, on the whole, unlikely.
It pains me to say it, but the very cause of its unlikelihood - the thing that will in fact save the West from "mad mullahs" and public stonings beating Downton Abbey's next season in the ratings - is
the primary cause of so much of our existing problems: global capitalism.
Think about it, won't you? Even a quick glimpse at our hemisphere should be enough all those who've outgrown their childlike belief in the Santa Claus of Democracy to tell you that it's the giant mega-corporations that are running the show (which makes all the current sabre-rattling at the G8 over tax-evasion seem faintly sweet; like kids insisting they're "not even tired" at bedtime). In the usual run of things, this is - of course - a Bad Thing; a recipe for greed and corruption triumphing over human decency and meaningful freedom at every turn. It does have its advantages, however - especially when it comes to staving off the worst excesses of religion. Any religion. In our modern, go-ahead, buy-now-pay-heavily-later world, both Islam and Christianity are irrelevant when set against the true Faith: money still talks, and spiritual bullshit walks off in a huff - yet certain in its moral victory. That's OK with the fat-cats, of course; it doesn't cost them anything, and if there's the slightest scintilla of belief in a higher power left to them, they're pretty confident that they'll be able to buy their way out of trouble as easily as settling an Anti-Trust dispute or quashing Banking Regulations. What they cannot tolerate, though - what they can barely even imagine - is people who put anything before a rational concern for the bottom line. Fundamentalists of any kind are people with whom they simply can't - and won't - do business. Put bluntly: there's only one acceptable spelling of "PROFIT".
Hardline Islamic beliefs are bad for pretty much any of the big players on the economic stage: Hollywood money, Coca-Cola, McDonalds, the oil concerns...What place would any of them have in a Sharia state? Were chumming up with hardcore Moslems a viable business option, they'd have done it and we wouldn't have had all that gung-ho fun in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Of course; that won't stop fanatics trying: a windmill, to a true believer, is always worth a good tilting. Again; there will be those who are looking to establish a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth - by means as barbaric and hate-fuelled as possible. They will, however, always be a tiny minority: despite what we're told by the far Right, the chances of Britons being "outbred" by Moslem immigrants are pretty insignificant; apart from the fact that the numbers simply don't stack up that way - unless they start some sort of intensive baby-farming programme - salvation comes once more from Capitalism.
We can see this happening even now: Egypt is already looking to cast off an Islamist government; one that, in fact, nobody beyond the Islamic Brotherhood was all that keen on anyway. Being a pretty Westernised country in many respects, Egypt's citizens have certain expectations and demands with regard to their personal freedom, and are - quite rightly - voicing their concerns with gusto. Seeing that, how likely is it that any fully "developed" country (i.e, "Capitalist" country) will entertain for a moment a régime that will restrict their rights to listen to pop music, have guilt-free pre-marital 'ow's-yer-father, and the like? Hell; for all its faults, it's a pretty seductive lifestyle, isn't it? Even a lot of second or third generation Moslem immigrants in the UK are becoming increasingly Western in their ideas: while they might not yet abandon their faith, the general climate of tolerance and leaving each other the hell alone has proved pretty infectious. There might not be many Moslems knocking back pints in the pub, but there are precious few of them demanding pubs to be closed down. "Live and let live" is a nice way to live, and the more people are exposed to that doctrine, the harder it is to deny its essential logic - and for each generation removed from more authoritarian, theocratic cultures, acceptance of "otherness" gets easier. Remember: Britain is still nominally a Christian country, but there are Christians and there are Christians, if you follow me; very few people go to Church even weekly - and less and less are even turning up to Midnight Mass pissed for a giggle: who's to say that some similar cultural shift won't occur amongst British Moslems?
Already, we see the mass of British Moslems living peacefully and productively within British society; they distance themselves from such atrocities as the Woolwich murder, and simply want to live their lives. "Extremism" is called that for a reason, is it not? Were "mainstream" Islam to be talking openly about bombs and Great Satans, the EDL's rhetoric might have some validity; they're not though, and it hasn't. We may never be a wholly cohesive, multicultural wonderland - but that's no reason to portray modern Britain as two inimically-hostile camps glowering at each other over a no-mands-land of irreconcilable cultural differences. Time - like the easy, vapid charm of British Television - is a great healer. Most people would rather enjoy lives of safety and individual fulfilment than participate in a crusade or a jihad, and to claim otherwise is at best irresponsible, and at worst, to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Go in Peace, people of Britain; go in Peace and watch Hollyoaks.
Alright; that was a bad example - but I think you get the point...
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
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